kenzoey: ringostarring: ok, new theory. maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us well maybe we would sound so bad if some people didn’t try to play with big meaty claws what did you say, punk? bIG MEATY CLAWS WELL THESE CLAWS AIN’T JUST FOR ATTRACTING MATES BRING IT ON OLD MAN, BRING IT ON no people let’s be smart and bring it OFF OH SO NOW THE TALKING...
jebiwonkenobi: When I was little I thought being an adult meant not having a bed time but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bed time and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.
struttinglikeapotter: A friendly reminder that most Snily shippers unconsciously shipped Jily until the 5th book. Because really, who goes ‘hmm, I think Harry’s teacher who hates him would work perfectly with his mother. Yes. I ship that.’
chachipistachis: like is there a magical cashier school I haven’t heard about also it fucking pisses me off that some employers won’t accept entry-level applicants HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT US TO *STOP* BEING ENTRY LEVEL IF YOU WON’T EVER LET US ENTER IN THE WORK FORCE AND THEN YOU SOMEHOW SUCCEED IN MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SOMEHOW I’M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM WHEN YOU AREN’T GIVING ME A...
argonboron: slow-mo-homos: deerstalkingjawn: australiansanta: thesociallyawkwardasian: queerlava: thesociallyawkwardasian: how do mermaids have babies do you think the people who play teletubbies feel horny on set sometimes why didn’t tarzan have a beard how many things are there How do ducks masturbate why do hangnails exist What does water actually taste like?
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
cafunedesaudade: I’m trying to figure out when “oh, it’s midnight” turned into “oh, it’s only midnight”
deancasotp: simonmarshallcolfer: so in class today, someone insulted Jennifer Lawrence by calling her a butterface, and i just stood up and yelled “NO ONE INSULTS THE PRINCESS OF TUMBLR”, but then someone else yelled out “EVERYONE KNOWS THE PRINCESS OF TUMBLR IS DEAN WINCHESTER”
egberts: viarga: just-laff: egberts: if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket you are one of the great thinkers of our time Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and...
manicpixiedeathbitch: Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the stone Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the chamber Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the dementors Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the triwizard tournament Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the returning Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the creepy...
ryannxp: irisowl: So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized Dr. Robert Evans I looked it up My dentist is Captain America’s dad omfg
thedrunkfitblr: disnerd: do you ever wish you could just stop time for like a couple weeks so you could just sleep and do whatever you want and just get your shit together and then after that time would just start back up again and you wouldn’t have missed anything because you would just pick up where you left off Every day of my life.
i-am-superjohnlocked: mrsmarymorstan: pudus: was it really necessary for me to be born Possibly not, but Double Chocolate Chip Cookies aren’t necessary either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them! that is the most uplifting thing i’ve read all day
jesusfreakinglucifer: i think everyone has that one phrase that we all use ironically but then after a while it just becomes completely unironic like i used hot diggity once as a joke and now i say it all the time im telling you ironic phrases are like gateway drugs to being openly mocked
sloth-with-a-blog: thatpsychowriter: For all of you who are worried that there might be secret mind readers in the room just try MENTALLY SCREAMING and if anyone jumps or flinches, you know you really live up to your url
I’m not as sexually frustrated as you fuck I am. I mean, I’m not as sexually frustrated as you fuck me please. I mean, fuck me. I mean, I’m not as sexually frustrated as you think I want sex.
pizzaforpresident: if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die