May 2013
kenzoey:
ringostarring:
ok, new theory. maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us
well maybe we would sound so bad if some people didn’t try to play with big meaty claws
what did you say, punk?
bIG
MEATY
CLAWS
WELL THESE CLAWS AIN’T JUST FOR ATTRACTING MATES
BRING IT ON OLD MAN, BRING IT ON
no people let’s be smart and bring it OFF
OH SO NOW THE TALKING...
jebiwonkenobi:
When I was little I thought being an adult meant not having a bed time but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bed time and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.
struttinglikeapotter:
A friendly reminder that most Snily shippers unconsciously shipped Jily until the 5th book. Because really, who goes ‘hmm, I think Harry’s teacher who hates him would work perfectly with his mother. Yes. I ship that.’
chachipistachis:
like is there a magical cashier school I haven’t heard about
also it fucking pisses me off that some employers won’t accept entry-level applicants HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT US TO *STOP* BEING ENTRY LEVEL IF YOU WON’T EVER LET US ENTER IN THE WORK FORCE
AND THEN YOU SOMEHOW SUCCEED IN MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SOMEHOW I’M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM WHEN
YOU
AREN’T
GIVING
ME
A...
argonboron:
slow-mo-homos:
deerstalkingjawn:
australiansanta:
thesociallyawkwardasian:
queerlava:
thesociallyawkwardasian:
how do mermaids have babies
do you think the people who play teletubbies feel horny on set sometimes
why didn’t tarzan have a beard
how many things are there
How do ducks masturbate
why do hangnails exist
What does water actually taste like?
psilentasincjelli:
If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
cafunedesaudade:
I’m trying to figure out when “oh, it’s midnight” turned into “oh, it’s only midnight”
deancasotp:
simonmarshallcolfer:
so in class today, someone insulted Jennifer Lawrence by calling her a butterface, and i just stood up and yelled “NO ONE INSULTS THE PRINCESS OF TUMBLR”, but then someone else yelled out “EVERYONE KNOWS THE PRINCESS OF TUMBLR IS DEAN WINCHESTER”
egberts:
viarga:
just-laff:
egberts:
if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket
you are one of the great thinkers of our time
Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and...
manicpixiedeathbitch:
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the stone
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the chamber
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the dementors
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the triwizard tournament
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the returning
Harry Potter and the voldemort can u not with the creepy...
ryannxp:
irisowl:
So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized
Dr. Robert Evans
I looked it up
My dentist is Captain America’s dad
omfg
thedrunkfitblr:
disnerd:
do you ever wish you could just stop time for like a couple weeks so you could just sleep and do whatever you want and just get your shit together and then after that time would just start back up again and you wouldn’t have missed anything because you would just pick up where you left off
Every day of my life.
i-am-superjohnlocked:
mrsmarymorstan:
pudus:
was it really necessary for me to be born
Possibly not, but Double Chocolate Chip Cookies aren’t necessary either but I wouldn’t want to live in a world without them!
that is the most uplifting thing i’ve read all day
jesusfreakinglucifer:
i think everyone has that one phrase that we all use ironically but then after a while it just becomes completely unironic like i used hot diggity once as a joke and now i say it all the time im telling you ironic phrases are like gateway drugs to being openly mocked
sloth-with-a-blog:
thatpsychowriter:
For all of you who are worried that there might be secret mind readers in the room just try MENTALLY SCREAMING and if anyone jumps or flinches, you know
you really live up to your url
I’m not as sexually frustrated as you fuck I am.
I mean, I’m not as sexually frustrated as you fuck me please.
I mean, fuck me.
I mean, I’m not as sexually frustrated as you think I want sex.
pizzaforpresident:
if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die
